What prevents connection?
I use the Internal Family Systems model to provide couples counseling. The IFS model posits that each of us has a true Self capable of communicating with confidence, calmness, creativity, clarity, curiosity, courage, compassion, and connectedness (the 7Cs). However, due to many of life’s experiences, frequently those early in life and within our families of origin, we develop parts of us intended to manage, alert, submit, combat or otherwise protect us.
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These parts will often present themselves within our relationships and prevent our true selves from maintaining control of our interpersonal interactions. Have you ever reflected upon a fight with your partner and one part of you feels you overreacted and another part of you feels completely justified? This is the result of a complex interplay between equal and important parts of us. Together let's try and understand these parts, what they need from us and how to care for them so they can be at peace and let our true Self connect with our partner.
How do we connect?
In our sessions, together we will work to identify the patterns of conflict that prevent connection between you and your partner. We will start by identifying the parts of each partner that play a role within these conflicts. Next, we will go on to identify what these parts are trying to do for us and how to meet the parts’ needs so that they stand back and allow connection with our partner. It’s important to note that these parts of us serve an important role in our lives. Our job in treatment is not to dismiss, purge or shame them but to meet their important and valuable needs. Last we will learn how to interact with our partner from a place of our true Self.
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What would you rather be doing if you didn't have to work so hard to protect yourself?
